How to Fix My Relationship

I always have conversations with people that start off with the question: Where did it all go wrong? Their marriage or courtship has gotten to the point of discontent and they want to know how to fix their relationship.  In the beginning of most relationships you are in the infatuation stage. You call and/or text each other all of the time. You go out to dinner or hang out with friends at least 3 nights a week. You laugh, joke, tickle, and giggle with one another.

Then there is a pivotal moment or occasion that sends the relationship into an entirely different direction.

For most couples these occasions consist of one or more of the following:

• A union- marriage, birth of a child, even a new pet, etc.
• A loss- death of a family member, friend, colleague, or pet.
• A change- finances, career, early, mid, late-life-crisis

There are definitely more life changing scenarios that can alter a relationship, but these tend to be the most common ones. Any of the above can alter your perspective on life, the way that you think and/or feel. Thus changing how you operate in your relationship. Do you want to know how I know? It’s because I have been there. I have a son, who is one years old and he is my LIFE! However, before I had my son I was a social butterfly and partied all of the time. I was super fun to be around. So by default, I was a fun girlfriend. Since being a mother I have not been fun at all. I may have my moments of goofiness here and there but that is about it. I was not fun anymore and it took a toll on my relationship.

So how do I fix my relationship for good?

Fix Yourself

This is the hardest yet most crucial step in this journey.  It is difficult to look into your inner mirror and say, “I don’t know who I am anymore” or “Where is the real me?”.  The easiest way to begin your self- evaluation is through journaling. Write down how and why you feel the way that you do. Jot down 10 things that you love about yourself and focus on letting those things shine over the things that you don’t particularly care for.

Communicate Better

Maybe you don’t need to be “fixed”.  It could be your spouse or partner who needs more alterations. If that is the case then communication is KEY. Every couple needs to master the art of communication. Identify what makes your significant other happy, sad, furious, giddy, etc. What are the trigger words that can send your partner crying, screaming, or smiling? Once you learn how to communicate with one another effectively is will change how you perceive one another.

Do Unto Others

It sounds like such a cliché, doesn’t it? But it really is that simple. Treat your loved one the way that you want to be treated. If you keep their happiness in the forefront of your mind, you will become more aware of their feelings towards you and what you do and say. The same applies to them as well.

Fixing a relationship takes consistency, persistence, and determination.

This isn’t meant to be a fly by night, love overnight remedy. But it’s worth it. If you follow these steps, over time you will discover a new vigor in your relationship and start re-living those courtship days when it was all smiles, giggles, and laughs…well at least a majority of the time. Hey, you have to start somewhere!